So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
