Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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