is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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