Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize