i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
