Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
