Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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