watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
