Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
