Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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