ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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