he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
