You can't special order awesome
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
