It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize