I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
