So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
