i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
