Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my shit smells like andre
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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