btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
