She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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