u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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