Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
