just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize