Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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