Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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