For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
