i just wanna soil my oats bro
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
