Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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