Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
