ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize