mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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