There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
