I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
