You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
