Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
