Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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