its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
