3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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