I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
