I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
