Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize