So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize