i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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