my vag is so smooth its legendary
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
