i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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