I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
