You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
