yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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