I CAN MOONWALK!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
