Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just took my morning after pill in the library
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
FUCK WHALES
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize