I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
