Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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