I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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