sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
