Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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