i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
