i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How naked do you want me to be?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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