Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
