I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
