He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
