You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
