Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
