Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
