Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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