if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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