I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
